In recent years I’ve realized that I was allowing some preconceived ideas about fashion, good style and my wardrobe to keep me from moving forward. I wanted to create a cohesive wardrobe that really worked for me, but my old thinking kept tripping me up. But I’m working on some mindset shifts so that I can truly accomplish my style goals. Let me share with you how I’ve changed my mind about these 5 things in order to build a more stylish wardrobe I can really enjoy. Maybe this will help you, too.
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I’ve always loved fashion, shopping for clothes and accessories. And I’ve long made it my goal to build a cohesive wardrobe that works for me. But when I started writing this blog over six years ago, I set out to research these topics doggedly so that I could become more expert in them. And in the past two years, as I’ve worked to really define my style and refine my wardrobe, I learned that some old thinking was getting in my way. I could either keep clinging to my old mindsets and make no progress, or I could make some subtle (and not so subtle) shifts in my thinking and finally build a wardrobe that I thoroughly enjoy wearing and that represents my style beautifully.
Here are the five things I’ve changed my mind about.
Letting Go Instead of Holding On
In this past Monday’s blog post 10 Things to Remove from Your Closet to Refine Your Wardrobe, I shared how important it is to let go of some things taking up real estate in your closet in order to build that wardrobe that really works for you. For me, like many of you, this has been a struggle on some levels.
I tend to want to hold onto things I’ve invested my hard-earned money in. But I also have a hard time letting go of items that have sentimental value, things that I might wear again, pieces that look like I haven’t “worn them out enough” and even garments that I “should have known better than to have purchased them in the first place.” Yeah, that last one is definitely guilt induced.
But I’m learning that guilt doesn’t build a good wardrobe. It actually puts us in a closet of sorts instead of helping us to curate one that reflects our personal style goals.
So in recent years I’ve worked through some of my hang-ups about clearing out my closet, and that has freed me up to free up that space. That’s not to say that I’ve gotten sloppy about this, mind you. I’m still very thoughtful about the choices I make when purging my closet. And I generally store items for a while before I actually move on to donating them (usually to Dress for Success). This is not about making hasty decisions. But it is about freeing myself up to move things out that are no longer serving me well.
Definitely check out Monday’s blog post if you haven’t already. But for me the key to this mindset shift was simply coming to terms with the fact that someone else could truly benefit from and enjoy the items that were doing me no good in my closet. Letting go instead of holding on can be a win-win situation with a ripple effect of benefits.
Quality Over Quantity
I don’t know how this happened or why, but somewhere along the way I began to equate a full closet with a stylish wardrobe. If my closet wasn’t full of a wide variety of options for each day, then I must be lacking. So my solution to “I don’t have anything to wear” was always buy more.
And look, we live in a day where people are actually turning extra bedrooms into large closets. And if I had an extra bedroom to “play with” I might do that myself. Shoot, the space for a dressing area alone would be glorious. Yeah, if you gave me a bigger closet I’d take it in a heartbeat. Instead I share a rather small walk-in with my husband.
But this isn’t about closet size. And I dare say you can even have a large wardrobe but still realize that it’s not the amount of clothes you have that makes you stylish. Instead, the clothes you have in your closet – however many that is – need to count for something.
One of my favorite period movies is Brooklyn, which tells the story of a young Irish woman who immigrates to the United States to start a new life in Brooklyn, New York. I’ve watched that movie so many times and each time I’m struck by the fact that she packs all of her belongings into a small suitcase and yet she dresses beautifully. Sure, her outfits would probably have been considered modest at the time, but they all seem exquisitely tailored and tasteful and versatile.
The character wears the same things several times in the film, but of course, with a little Hollywood magic, she probably does wear more than would feasibly fit in that suitcase. Ha! Still, I’m reminded that there was a time when even well-dressed women worked with much smaller wardrobes than you and I probably have right now, and they made it work beautifully.
I know this is a very small example, but this is why I chose to have only three pairs of shorts this summer. I wear the denim shorts I’m showing here, my red linen shorts and my white linen shorts. Like I said, small example, but I’ve made other similar decisions.
Bottom line? I’ve gotten much more selective about what I let into my closet. At this point, I truly desire to have fewer clothes rather than many. I’m prioritizing quality over quantity. And I’m discovering that if I make more decisions up front to not buy some things that earlier I would have snapped up, I can actually say yes to more high quality purchases that I wouldn’t have been able to afford with my previous mindset.
Dubious? I don’t blame you. If you’re here often you see me model a lot of clothes. But remember, a good number of them, at this point in my career, are gifted to me. (I still select those clothes and I never show anything that I don’t absolutely love.) And I don’t keep all of those in my personal closet either. Sometimes it’s hard for me to let them go, but I’m just so over having so many clothes.
Before I move on to the next mindset shift, let me explain why I think this particular change is an important one for me. It’s not just a matter of limiting my closet quantity for the heck of it. I’ve discovered that when I force myself to create a smaller wardrobe, I also have to get serious about making sure that everything in it really belongs there. I like to say every new purchase has to earn its place in my closet by bringing value to it. It has to play nicely with the other things already in there, help me accomplish my style goals and work for my real lifestyle.
For me, quality rather than quantity has helped me to build a wardrobe I enjoy wearing more and it has alleviated the stress of an overrun closet filled with guilt-inducing items.
Wearability Over Durability
Recently a reader commented to the effect that investment purchases might should be limited to items that truly can stay in our closets for years rather than those that might change in popularity soon. It was a good point and got me to thinking.
I’m not sure, but I think my L’Agence raw edge denim jacket above may have been what spurred the comment. Understandable. This was a pricey purchase and I did indeed refer to it as an investment. And the reader was right that this raw edge could go out of style soon. I guess I had considered it a wise investment because I’ve had my other denim jacket (more of a classic) in my closet for over 30 years, and I had mentioned that in the blog post.
But that got me to thinking about where I should be investing my clothing budget. Should I then only invest in pricier items if they promise to hang in my closet for at least, say, 10 years? Or is there some other magic number of years a style has to promise to stay wearable in order for me to “splurge” on it?
And that’s when I realized that I had shifted from tracking durability as much as I do wearability. It really doesn’t matter how long something stays in my wardrobe as much as it matters how frequently and versatilely I’m wearing it and, more specifically, enjoying it.
For instance, I didn’t invest in the Paul Green Ursula ballet flats above because I’ll be wearing them for years. I purchased them because I plan to wear them frequently for as long as I possibly can. And I bought them because I have a foot problem and need good shoes that work for me. So I prioritized wearability, not durability.
Sure, I don’t want to purchase things that are going to fall apart. But when I say “durability” I mean something that endures time. I’m not too concerned about something staying in my wardrobe for as many years as my denim jacket has. That’s an anomaly that I can’t expect to repeat often. But if I invest in items I’ll wear frequently (and remember, I have fewer items in my closet to choose from, too), then the cost per wear goes down significantly, making the investment a wiser one. Yes, I love finding items I can wear for several seasons or even years. But I’ve shifted from focusing on how long an item is in my closet to calculating how frequently it’s on my body.
Principles of Style Rather Than Fashion Rules
Now most of us have tossed out the old rules of fashion with grateful abandon. We no longer feel obliged to wait until Memorial Day to wear our white jeans or pants or shoes, and we no longer think we have to match all of our accessories perfectly. But when I started blogging here in 2018 I began to learn about some other rules…and I eagerly began to obey them.
These weren’t rules of convention, but rules about dressing your body shape and proportions and wearing the right colors and accessorizing the right way. I’ve written blog posts about these rules, of course, and I still stand behind the concepts. They do work to help create the most flattering silhouettes and proportions.
But as I began to try to define my style, I realized that my personal style sometimes bucks against these rules. Afterall, one of my personal style guidelines is “effortless,” which sometimes calls for a little bit of “rebellion,” if you will.
And that’s when I came to understand that what I thought were rules are not rules at all. They are guidelines. And yes, these guidelines for dressing your proportions and body shape are certainly valuable. And they work….beautifully. But that doesn’t mean we always have to be tied to them.
Fashion should be fun. It should be personalized, individual. And it should bring us joy. It’s an expression of who we are and how we want to relate to those around us. And it’s not something to get angry or defensive about either, even when others make very different style choices from us.
That’s why it’s been important for me in my personal style journey to embrace the principles of style rather than doggedly adhere to fashion rules. The former guide my choices whereas the latter sometimes feel stifling.
Signature Colors Rather Than Seasonal Colors
I had my colors analyzed years ago, and I did find it an invaluable bit of knowledge. I highly recommend having an expert analyze your colors if you have the ability. Or you can simply lean into the colors and tones of those colors that you most frequently receive compliments when wearing.
So this is not to say that I don’t believe in knowing your seasonal colors. It’s good to know if you are a summer, autumn, winter or spring. And I understand now they have widened those palettes to include additional variations. Information is power, for sure.
But the shift I’ve made is not to build my wardrobe based on that information. For me, that’s too many colors to have in my smaller, tight wardrobe. I prefer to select from those seasonal colors just 3-5 hues that I will wear in a given season of the year. I call these my signature colors.
I also select just a handful of neutrals I will wear in a season. I fill my seasonal wardrobe with those signature colors and neutrals. I intentionally and thoughtfully limit myself to these colors, not because they’re the only ones that work for me, but because they’re the ones I want to enjoy for that span of time.
I actually find freedom in this because I’m not overwhelmed by the number of different colors in my closet. This fall and winter I’ve chosen to add navy back to my small list of neutrals, a color I haven’t worn in a couple of years now. I’ll also be wearing black, ivory and grey. I’m still working on my signature colors for the fall and winter, but I know red and dark pink are in the mix.
Leaning into signature colors rather than just my seasonal colors has helped me to create a more cohesive wardrobe that mixes and matches more easily.
Other Shifts in Mindset?
Those are the five shifts in mindset that I’ve experienced recently as I’ve been defining my style and refining my wardrobe. You can find all of the posts in our 2024 style series, Define Your Style…Refine Your Wardrobe HERE. As we’ve been going through this style series or even before, have there been mindsets that you’ve shifted on, too? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
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next up, 7 Steps to Plan a Seasonal Wardrobe You’ll Love (click to access)
Blessed for My Day
Some days are bliss. Others feel like one disappointment after another. Maybe they’re not huge disappointments, just little let downs. But those things that don’t go quite as planned, those little unfulfilled expectations and the awkward interactions mound up like a pile of small debris, quickly turning into something you could trip over or slide down on…if you’re not careful.
But let’s be careful out there today. Let’s be mindful that even when things don’t go as planned and you encounter unexpected messy situations, God is at work. He is refining you through the little hardships and disruptions just as much as He works through the bigger ordeals we all must face. In fact, our true colors often show up more pigmented in the little things that throw us unexpectedly than they do in the big things we tend to pray over and step more carefully through. That’s why it might be so important to begin our days with prayer, acknowledging that we desire to please the Lord and glorify Him honorably with our lives…come what may.
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand… ~ Philippians 4:4-5
Dear Kay,
I especially enjoyed today’s post – your philosophy of dressing. Ha! I’ll have to watch “Brooklyn;” it sounds like a lovely, simple approach to dressing! I, too, have to work at releasing and having a truly expressive and workable wardrobe. I read your posts everyday and especially love the prayer at the end. AMEN!❤️Lee
Thank you so much for saying hello, Lee. I’m glad you are enjoying the blog and that this post resonated with you. The devotional messages at the end are important to me, simply passing on what God has been teaching me. Have a lovely day!
This is absolutely fabulous Kay.
Bravo for including fun as part of style.
We must be on the same page because I was just part of a midlife summit and talked about how mindset relates to fashion.
I have an article coming out about it next month! And I’ll link to yours too if that’s okay?
Xoxo
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
Oh how wonderful! I bet that was a great message. Feel free to share, of course. And I look forward to reading your post.
Enjoyed your thoughts today; they definitely resonate with mine. Especially like the wearability observation and will embrace that one. Really brings home having 2 so-so sweaters vs. one great one that I LOVE wearing. Regarding BFMD, it can be the lil things that trip us up the most. Have a no-tripped up day😀
Good thoughts and ideas to mull over. My hardest thing to do is get rid of items I paid good money for. After all I might wear it someday or if I get rid of it, I might regret it. Then i end up buying something very similar and have paid twice as much. I cannot limit myself to just 3-5 colors either. I love co!or, but do stay away from some colors that do not look good on me. Like orange or lime green. I’m trying not to buy impulse items or too many items also.
I appreciate these thoughts and with Kay’s guidance am wanting to pare down my wardrobe to those pieces that really work for me and my lifestyle. Brooklyn is also one of my favorite movies. I will admit I had not noticed her small suitcase before. I am interested in how many of this group have had their colors done. I have not, but am looking into it. Thanks again, Kay!
I had my colors done years ago I’m so glad that I did It helps me with Making wise choices Instead of just Grabbing any color
I have so enjoyed your posts and have learned a great deal!!! It is obvious you spend a lot of time and energy doing this and I want to thank you!! Also, I have Brooklyn cued up to watch this evening. It looks wonderful!!
Your BFMD spoke to me today. Thank you.
Kay,
I just want to tell you that I get as much out of your spiritual dressing for my day as I do the physical! Sometimes more! So thank you so much. I really appreciate your pearls of wisdom and insight to help us dress as we should on the inside as well as the out.
Thoughtful and lovely post! Thank you!
Another great post! Letting go – it took me time to accept this, but it’s been a change for the better. Quality over quantity – to some degree I’ve adhered to this my whole life, but mostly because it is hard for me to find pieces that fit me properly. So that factor alone limits my wardrobe. 🙂 I think I put equal emphasis on wearability vs durability (longevity). Style vs. rules, I’m with you, personal style all the way, using the rules/principles as guidelines. As for color – I LOVE color and don’t limit myself at all. My stylist who did my analysis rated all the colors and neutrals in my season in order of most flattering to least. The best of the best she called WOW colors, so I have made the WOWs a priority. They dominate my wardrobe. I also have some items in other seasonal colors I like. But since everything in my wardrobe is all from the same season, everything can mix and match. Fun!
Love the devotional. As far as cost per wear, that’s the reason I don’t invest in premium denim. If I paid $200 for jeans at the cost of one dollar per wear I would have to wear them for 200 days. Is that right Kay,? There’s no way I could wear one pair of jeans 200 times in one year or even 2 years. I’m trying to shop wisely and being a good steward with my money. I limit my budget to what I can spend per month on clothes and shoes and accessories. In January I spent so much I felt ashamed. In July I spent more since it’s my birth month and I got a lot of birthday coupons from retailers. I’m a work in progress. Also seeing a Google photo of a landfill full of old clothes makes me want to buy less too.
Great post Kay! Really well thought out good ideas. One of the things you also said the other day really resonated with me and it applies here as well. Your choice of tasteful, better jewelry pieces. I’ve only worn this type of jewelry for years except for some whimsical pieces that have meaning to my quirkiness. Another influencer was all about shell jewelry and trendy pieces for this season so I purchased a couple pieces thinking this would add to my wardrobe but I just felt they were too trendy, not really my style and I have barely worn them. I’m just not into the costume jewelry especially the statement stuff. You always look so nice in your jewelry and I really feel it’s because of the choices you’re making. Tasteful things that don’t wear you or the outfit. But just complement the outfit rather than taking center stage which I feel is what jewelry should do.
Kay, this is so good! I love the advice that you give. I feel like God has given you such wisdom to help us get dressed and be the best version of ourselves for Him and others. Thank you Kay!
This post really resonates with me on so many points. I have been purposely reducing my wardrobe for several years. I’ve discovered I don’t need as many items as I thought I did. Being intentional about new items insures the item will be versatile and something I really love. I’ve also developed a habit of once I identify a need or hole in my wardrobe I don’t immediately rush out and buy that item. I take my time so I make sure to find exactly what I need in the right fit and color.
I’ve been following you for a while now. Your style has definitely changed from just a couple of years ago.
I guess as someone over 50 I assumed your style would become more classic, but you seem to be more into trends these days. That’s great for you and you continue to look as lovely as ever , just some things I can’t relate to.
Always love your spiritual content though.
Have a blessed day.
Not sure why anyone would pay good money to get their “colors” done. Just look in your closet and notice which colors you wear MOST and which flatter you (i.e. result in compliments!).That should tell you which colors work best for you. By the time most women reach middle age, I imagine they have a good idea of which colors suit them and which ones to avoid. So no, don’t just grab any color sweater, jacket or dress. Pay attention to the colors that actually complement your personal coloring and be intentional about choosing both colors and neutrals that make sense for YOU. If you’re still not sure, ask a friend or sister to spend an hour with you and hold up different blouses or sweaters to your face and look in the mirror. Your friend can help you notice which colors are a “hit” and which ones a “miss”.
Susan, professional stylists can be of great help, especially to those who do not have a keen eye for color or who struggle to put together a wardrobe. I can’t speak for anyone but myself, but the couple hours I spent with a professional stylist completely transformed my wardrobe and has saved me a boatload of money over the years. Before I worked with her, my closet was not cohesive, and I couldn’t figure out what worked for me other than a small selection of colors. I bought a lot of items that didn’t work, so that was money wasted. So I decided to reach out to this stylist. She was incredible. She helped me see what worked and WHY, what didn’t work and WHY, and brought an abundance of colors into my wardrobe that I wouldn’t have ever realized were flattering on me. My closet is now streamlined, cohesive, and beautiful. Most importantly, my clothing budget is no longer wasted on things that don’t work for me. My time with a personal stylist was money well, well spent.
I enjoy all your posts, even if I do not comment. I think sometimes we women want to make sure we have “enough” so we hold onto clothes even when we don’t wear them “just in case.” There is security in having a full closet and full drawers. However, a lot of it is rarely or even never worn. We tend to wear our favorite things over and over – it’s often quoted that we wear 10 or 20% of our clothing 90% of the time. At the beginning of the season we can buy too much – I have shorts with the tags still on them from last year and it’s almost August! Sometimes I am surprised to find something I forgot I had. We can be unrealistic about how we really live and what we really need. I also feel terrible about the waste of money that could have been given to help someone with true needs, rather than indulging in more wants for myself, particularly items that are seldom, if ever, worn. This is all to say that a smaller wardrobe that is really used is my goal. So many of us today have an amount of clothing that would be unimaginable to our ancestors – ask anyone who owns an older home about the lack of closet space! And yet, we can only wear one outfit at a time, so better to really think about what we are bringing in and/or keeping and make sure it earns its keep.
You are so right and so many of these things you pointed out. I seem to buy at the beginning of the season too much and don’t wear everything. I am trying to do better on that. Sometimes we do have more than we need. We should remember that God will provide for us.
Wonderful post! Such good information. You’ve got me thinking about how I deal with my wardrobe and style. Also, thank you for the Blessed for my Day. I struggle so much with those days where little events pile up and frustrate me. On those days I tend to feel like God isn’t seeing me that day. I know that isn’t true, but that’s where the self pity party emerges. Ha! You described it beautifully and gave such great insight into how to see it through God’s eyes.
I have a nice size closet. Four years ago, I had 300+ items hanging in it, and it wasn’t over-crowded. I never said, “I have nothing to wear.” What I often said was “Which one of these am I going to wear?” This started my closet purge. I change out my closet twice a year…spring/summer and fall/winter. Each switch I brought the number of items down. It IS an emotional journey for all the reasons you gave. But now I have about 90 items that make me much happier. My next goal is 65 or so, and I think that is where I will stick. One of the aha moments as my closet became more and more co-ordinated was realizing how many outfits 55 items make … 10 pants/shorts/jeans + 30 shirts/popovers/t-shirts + 15 top layers (jackets/cardigans/ponchos) makes … wait for it … four thousand five hundred outfits. 4500 outfits to wear in 182 days. It was a paradigm shift, for sure.
Thanks for your post. Very re-inforcing.
Hi Kay,
I ordered the Paul Green ballet flats at your recommendation. I needed a new pair of leopard flats…and I am giggling that last year leopard was “out” and this year back in again. I had collected a lot of leopard the year before, so I will get it all out again this season! I have been on the search for new leopard flats so I am thrilled with them…they just arrived.
Wonderful! I’m so glad you like them. Did you go up a half size? That’s what I did. I might could have worn the true size; I waffled back and forth.
Yes, I did size up 1/2 size. I’m usually a 7 1/2 and I got an 8. They are a tad big but I think the 7.5 would be too tight.