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The Beauty of Self-Confidence

October 5, 2019

Happy weekend, ladies. I’m glad you’ve gathered with me here to wrap our week up with a little discussion about inner beauty. Monday through Friday I share beauty and fitness and fashion tips here at Dressed for My Day. But on Saturdays we talk about inner beauty. Today let’s reflect on the beauty of self-confidence. Plus, I have 5 tips for boosting your self-confidence in a healthy, beautiful way.

On Saturdays we talk about Inner beauty

Let’s face it. We all know a person or two who has just a little too much self-confidence, with an emphasis on self. That’s not our goal here. I’m not an advocate of building your ego up or focusing so much on self-actualization or personal rights that you become full of pride.

A healthy dose of self-confidence radiates as poise, but even an ounce of pride and arrogance acts as a poison in your life. The brand of “confidence” that makes others feel small isn’t pretty, but petty.

Nope. That’s not the goal here.

What is Beautiful Self-Confidence?

While the Bible teaches us that the root of all sin is pride, I also believe it advocates a healthy self-awareness that leads to a beautiful self-confidence. But that self-awareness begins in the presence of our Creator.

Psalm 139 reminds us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. And the Psalmist beckons us to join him in his attitude of awe, declaring that his soul knows oh so well just how amazing he is. That one phrase, “my soul knows it very well,” could sound arrogant out of context. But the poet is declaring the glorious wonder of his own being only in relation to the One who formed him from dust, intricately weaving together his life in his mother’s womb.

Ladies, we’ve got to find our self-confidence in the context of our Creator. He gives us purpose and beauty and meaning. Not only that, but He has paid a great price to redeem us. He gives us value beyond measure.

Do you believe that?

Healthy, beautiful self-confidence is birthed in the understanding of who we are to our God. We are each a unique, beautiful, purposeful creation that was purchased at high price. He calls us beloved…and so we are.

Why Healthy Self-Confidence is Beautiful

A woman who has a healthy confidence in who God made her to be radiates poise.

  • She is self-aware, but not self-absorbed.
  • She knows who she is so she doesn’t need to compare herself to others.
  • She doesn’t need to take, so she has more to give.
  • She doesn’t compete, but collaborates instead.
  • She doesn’t need to make others feel small in order to feel greater.
  • She makes others feel comfortable in their skin because she is at ease in hers.
  • She’s not a victim so she doesn’t make other people feel guilty.
  • She graciously receives compliments.
  • She knows her purpose and takes joy in participating in it.
  • She’s not threatened by others’ successes, but joins them in celebrating.
  • She’s aware that life is a series of seasons and she’s fully present in the season she’s in.
  • She’s reliable and capable and trustworthy. No one has to “be careful” around her.
  • She’s authentic and relatable because she’s not hiding or pretending.

Can you think of other ways a woman who has a healthy dose of self-confidence is beautiful?

5 Ways to Boost Healthy Self-Confidence

#1 – Read and pray Psalm 139.

The words of Psalm 139 are not only beautiful and affirming, but they are a lovely model for prayer. Use that scripture to praise your Creator and discover the truth about yourself.

#2 – Speak the truth about yourself.

If you’re in the habit of putting yourself down out of some warped sense of modesty, stop it. Putting yourself down is not modest; it’s ungodly. Instead, agree with God about yourself. For instance, yes, you’re a sinner prone to do and say the wrong thing. But, you’re saved by grace and indwelt by the Holy Spirit. He who has begun a good work in you is working to complete it.

Think about the ugly lies you’ve been thinking or saying out loud about yourself and determine to speak the truth instead.

#3 – Surround yourself with healthy, confident women.

You don’t have to completely abandon the people in your life who battle a low self-esteem. But make a focused effort to invest in relationships with women who know who they are and who are comfortable and joyful in their own skin. These are women who will not drain you, but will nurture you. Learn from them. And enjoy the sisterhood that’s only possible when we’ve learned to be our authentic selves.

#4 – Take care of your physical, emotional and spiritual needs.

Balance, ladies. Again, I’m not encouraging you to forsake your obligations or service to others in order to focus on self. But neither should you neglect your own self-care in order to run ragged for others. That’s not healthy.

Instead, take a little time for basic self-care each day. Have a daily quiet time with God. Get in some exercise. Eat right. Take time for grooming. Buy something new and pretty to wear occasionally. When we treat ourselves poorly we begin to think poorly of ourselves. Instead, treat yourself like the beautiful, amazing vessel you are.

#5 – Receive compliments with joy and grace.

Do you deflect compliments with self-degradation or sarcasm? Stop it. That’s not gracious, nor is it thoughtful toward the person who has complimented you.

Look, compliments sometimes make me uncomfortable, too. For years I couldn’t even receive compliments from my own husband graciously. But then I realized how hurtful and whiny it is to throw praises back in people’s faces.

Simply smile and say, “thank you.” Then, either publicly or privately, thank God for the grace, gift or ability He gave you that garnered the compliment. That’s how you practice true humility that also nurtures a healthy, beautiful self-confidence.

Would you like to join the conversation?

When I was growing up, like most gals, I struggled with a low self-esteem. I was surprised when that lack of confidence followed me into adulthood. I was even more surprised to discover along the way that most women struggle with feeling good about themselves. It’s an epidemic, ladies.

And while I think many of us finally begin to outgrow it in our 40s and 50s, we all still have days when we feel like clumsy, gawky little girls in women’s bodies. And don’t even get me started on body image! That’s another discussion really.

But gals, it’s time to put aside our childish ways and be grown ups in this area. Self-confidence is beautiful and winsome. And a lack of self-confidence is off-putting. It’s a vicious, hurtful cycle and only we can stop it.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Share with us:

  • how you have gained self-confidence
  • how you keep a balance between godly humility and self-confidence
  • how you’ve seen beautiful confidence modeled in another woman – your mom, sister, mentor, friend.

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Blessed for My Day

For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,
    when as yet there was none of them. ~ Psalm 139:13-16

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xoxo, Kay
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5 thoughts on “The Beauty of Self-Confidence

  1. Excellent message! Being 64, I’ve gone through the phases of what you’ve described and have come out somewhat wiser on what’s important in life. Talk about continuing education! Such is life! I am able to spend more time now, than ever, studying God’s word & reflecting on those areas where I need improvement. And I pray for our 4 grandchildren constantly, as school & the world they are growing up in, is so different from what it was when I was growing up. With social media being what it is, I pray I can encourage my 2 granddaughters and make them feel worthy & confident. I am sad that the word “bully” is such a big part of their lives, but glad that there is awareness of it & hopefully I can understand what these kids are going through. Thank you again, for a wonderful and insightful message!

  2. This is such an important topic, thank you for addressing it. I believe this type of confidence needs a good dose of gratitude and acceptance. God created me and for that I am thankful. Certainly I experienced awkwardness and name-calling growing up. Yes, that is painful and does color our view of ourselves. Comparison is also dangerous, because to me that borders on not trusting in God’s design. Acceptance though, that is part of it for me. As I’ve gotten older I realize I’m not 30 or even 40 any longer, and the idea is to be the best I can be at the age I am rather than attempting to reach back. I do care very much about fashion and beauty, but keep it in perspective. I also care even more about my relationship with the Lord. As you point out, self care is very important and we need to tend to this in order to be present for others. We can each find what it is that renews us and spend some time there. For me it’s being out in nature. Taking time to take care of ourselves should not cause us to feel selfish or guilty, rather it’s a way to be healthier and more able to take care of other responsibilities more effectively. I wish I had learned this earlier in life, but it’s never too late to make changes!

  3. This is such a balanced and inspiring perspective on self-confidence, Kay. I’m very grateful to feel my own self-confidence growing little by little now that I’ve hit my 50s (definitely a wonderful benefit to getting older), but I still have to “talk back” to myself when I start thinking those old negative thoughts about who I am while forgetting whose I am. I really appreciated the thoughts you shared here, and I’m pinning this for future rereading … I need the reminders!

  4. This is great, thank you.
    Wondering if you have words of encouragement – My husband and I will be moving in a month and I’m scared and sad. We are moving close to family but leaving friends and a familiar environment for a new one is hard. My husband asks, “What am I most afraid of” and my only answer is the unknown. Of course packing is looming over me, ha! I know you just made a big move and I have noticed you seem positive and happy. Any words would help, Thanks

  5. Thank you Kay for your excellent encouraging confidence post. There is so much truth in being healthy confident. I have struggled for years with having self confidence. I have always compared myself with so many women….their career, their cooking, their size and appearance and the list goes on. As I have gotten older, I have grown more confident. However, it has has taken me in my 50s to get this way. I have started focusing my energy more in my relationship with God, recognizing my strengths, trying to take better care of myself and finding a balance between it all. I will say that when my children were younger, it was definitely more challenging to take care of myself and do some of things I’m doing now. Not only do I enjoy your fashion Kay, I enjoy your inspirational wisdom which is greatly needed. ~Lisa-~