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The Beauty of a Filter

November 2, 2019
On Saturdays we talk about Inner beauty

Hi gal! Welcome to Dressed for My Day, where on Saturdays we turn our focus from fashion, makeup and fitness to talk about inner beauty. This week I’ve been mulling over the discipline of holding our tongues and choosing our words carefully. Let’s talk about the beauty of a filter.

Beauty of a Filter

We live in a world where it is fashionable to speak your mind, but that doesn’t mean that a woman who follows that trend is truly “pretty.” In fact, a woman can actually appear beautiful, alluring, a little mysterious and attractive…until she opens her mouth. Have you ever experienced that?

Our words, our tone of voice, our volume, even the force with which we speak reveal more than our carefully made up faces or the clothes we wear. The outer appearance can be deceptive. But the words we bring to the conversation announce to those around us who we really are at the core, at the heart.

And yet, I’ve met older women who have boldly proclaimed that with age they have earned the right to speak their mind, say whatever they want. I’ve met women of every age who have asserted, “You can count on me to just say what I think. I don’t hold back. And people know that about me. That’s just who I am.”

Do they think this is a good thing? I wonder.

Sometimes these women are Christians, and they speak their minds boldly and without any restraint. But the Bible teaches all of us, men and women alike, to bridle our tongues, to guard our mouths, to measure our words carefully. It also teaches us to speak only that which is kind, encouraging and truly beneficial to the hearer. Our words are supposed to be gracious. And the Bible even goes as far as to tell us to speak softly, gently.

A soft answer turns away wrath,
    but a harsh word stirs up anger.
The tongue of the wise commends knowledge,
    but the mouths of fools pour out folly.
The eyes of the Lord are in every place,
    keeping watch on the evil and the good.
A gentle tongue is a tree of life,
    but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.

~ Proverbs 15:1-4

While I wouldn’t say I’m typically a woman who always feels the need to “speak my mind,” I do struggle with saying the right thing at the right time and holding my tongue in general. Words sometimes slip out before I’ve put enough thought into what I’m saying. And sometimes my emotions get the best of me and I blurt out things I just shouldn’t have said. Can you relate?

The Filter

What we need is a filter. But how do we “install it?”

  • First, I have to humbly admit my need for a filter. No more, “I’m just a woman who speaks her mind!” Instead, I must lay down my pride and realize that, left unchecked, I am prone to say things that just don’t need to be voiced. And I need to agree with God that my words carry weight and have power. My words can wound, tear down, destroy. I need help controlling my tongue.

Keep back your servant also from presumptuous sins;
    let them not have dominion over me!
Then I shall be blameless,
    and innocent of great transgression.

~ Psalm 19:13
  • Next I need to daily ask the Lord to help me think only those things that are pleasing to Him. My words begin in my mind and heart. That’s where the filter has to be secured into place: in the heart and mind. I can use the following scripture in my prayers.

 Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
    be acceptable in your sight,
    O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

~Psalm 19:14
  • Third, I must begin to diligently raise my thinking to higher plains. The base line is truth. I must only think what is true…no speculations, no conjectures, no assumptions…pure truth. From there, I need to raise my thinking to what is honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent and praise worthy. That’s a pretty tall order and it provides for a lifelong exercise in discretionary thinking.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

~ Philippians 4:8
  • Next, I must make a practice of talking more to God and less to other people. Want to vent? Take it to the Lord and talk all around that thing, sister! I’ve found that when I talk to God about it first, whatever “it” is, I’m less prone to need to sound off to anyone else.

I call upon you, for you will answer me, O God;
    incline your ear to me; hear my words.

~ Psalm 17:6
  • Finally, we simply must practice some self-restraint, a little self-control. Fortunately, we’re not on our own. The Holy Spirit abiding in us gradually produces more and more self-control in us. As we become more sensitive to His leadership and allow Him to lead, we will find ourselves holding back words that just don’t need to be said in the moment. And we’ll know, won’t we, that we’re only able to show such restraint because He has compelled and strengthened us. Yep. It will be a miracle!

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

~ Ephesians 4:29-32

And really that’s the beauty of a filter. A filtered tongue is evidence of a miracle. A woman who practices restraint and and wisdom with her words is a woman in whom the Holy Spirit has done a wonder! She’s a beautiful testimony to the power and grace of God.

Do you have thoughts you’d like to share about today’s topic? I’d love to hear from you today! I tend to take as much time off from work as I can during the weekends, so I may not reply to your comments unless you ask me a direct question. But I’d love for you to carry on this conversation in the comment section below. And you can know for certain that I read and value each and every comment. Please remember that I try to keep this space free from controversy, so let’s stay away from the topic of politics or other divisive issues.

Have a great weekend!

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19 thoughts on “The Beauty of a Filter

  1. Yes, I will agree with Miss Traci…perfect timing. I will study these scriptures in depth so I can rely on them when I’m tempted to be less than kind. Shabbat Shalom, Miss Kay!

  2. Well said, this is something I am striving to do. I have been accused of being haughty when really, I’m just tired and short tempered. I need to be very careful of what I say or how I say it when I’m tired or not feeling well.

  3. Perfect topic, just what I needed to hear! I can be so guilty of this. Glad you have listed the Bible verse references to lookup & dwell on. Have a great weekend!

  4. This is something we all need to correct. I’m always trying to not say too much to my girls which are grown and have children of their own. Also siblings of mine we need to know when to “hold” our tongues. Words can hurt.

  5. There is life and death in the tongue. Proverbs 18:21.
    A fool gives full vent to his anger…Proverbs 29:11.

    Such great reminders! Why does the filter diminish as we age? Pride, maybe? For some I’ve noticed it is a defense mechanism to protect where there has been a previous hurt. Either way there is a reason our Lord warned us about this. Personally I find lots of power in being quiet when I need to be. This only happens with the Lord’s help though because I don’t have the ability!

    1. Wonderful insight, Barbara. Thanks so much for chiming in. All the more reason to be on guard against pride huh. And all the more reason to seek healing from God for our heart wounds. ?

  6. Such a necessary topic & something God has been talking to me about. I appreciate your practical advice and such a sweet spirit in your words. Thank you for sharing!

  7. Such beautiful words of wisdom! And I love the scripture verses that go along with each point. This is going in my “save” file so I can reread, ponder and pray over my filter. Have a blessed weekend! ??❤️

  8. Thank you Kay! I love today’s post and you gave me so much to reflect on. I will share this with my friends from Church.

  9. Beautiful blog today Kay! I have run into some who believe the “no filter” approach to life is the way to go. I always have felt uncomfortable with that way of being. There is no reason to be unkind to anyone, even if you believe you are just “speaking your mind”. There’s no need to be blunt or hurtful. A kind word is free to give away, and a gift to give to someone. Thank you for the blog and for the scriptures and reminders of God’s teachings. I strive to follow His lead and to allow Him to help me be a better person.

  10. Kay, I saved this email to read today. I do have issues with this as well, but I do try to make myself more aware of what come out of my mouth. Our neighbor children that have adopted us as their grandparents is helping me to think before speaking because their parents don’t. They are good people, but they have no filter. I don’t want the kids to say bad things, then say they heard me say it. Our 20 yr old granddaughter worships the ground her father walks on, so much so, that she freely uses the same vulgar words that he does. It breaks my heart! I’m not around any of them enough to have a real impact, but I do pray for them regularly. And I watch my tongue the few times each year they are around. Unfortunately, my stepson has zero faith, and he doesn’t even control the words he speaks in front of me. I want to be known as a woman of grace, with a controlled tongue instead of a bulldog that no one wants to mess with.

  11. I’m following this series from Revive our Hearts right now and the very first episode was on “Guard My Tongue”…. I’ve been praying this past week for a heart with kindness in it- so my words would bring life and not death…I’ve also been praying for supernatural intervention when I start to use my tongue to harm others… I believe we are most beautiful, especially as older women, when our words bring comfort, healing, joy, and gentle counsel to those around us!! This was a great article! Thank you!!

  12. Kay,
    I have always gone the peaceful route when dealing with people. As I age I find that the times that I overlooked my true feelings they were taken as an agreement on others’ ideas when all I aimed for was to avoid conflict and move on to another topic.
    As an example, this month’s Breast Cancer Awareness had all morning shows promoting cheerleading pep groups (in pink) to promote the cause. Many BC patients are offended by the portrayal of this rah-rah behavior. I’m one of them although it was in the past and so far so good!
    I went to a friend’s home to see her daughter from out of town a few weeks ago while the campaign was in full swing. Her brother-in-law came over and wears a long braid. He asked if we liked his small pink ribbon. I told him there is nothing pretty about BC. I have been feeling terrible about that since.
    Friends say I’m too being too sensitive. I trust our Lord will forgive me!