Have I ever mentioned that my mother sent me to charm school when I was a teenager? When she signed me up for the Len Chris Ann School of Charm and Modeling I didn’t really understand her insistence on good table manners, gracious correspondence (think handwritten thank you notes), proper carriage, a soft voice or ladylike makeup and attire. But as time went on I began to see that my mother was onto something. Indeed, a graceful woman has a beautiful, soothing effect on her surroundings and the people she encounters.
Today’s blog post is part of our 2025 Inner Beauty series. You can always locate these posts through the top menu of the website. At the requests of so many of my readers and because these inner beauty posts are not about me or what I’m wearing, I’m sharing my husband’s landscape and nature photographs in this series. I hope you enjoy them as you read my thoughts on today’s inner beauty topic. A very limited number of his photos can now be purchased for download and for delivery in his Etsy Store. If you’d like to purchase a particular print seen on DFMD but not in his Etsy Store, just contact him through the link in his store.
I enjoyed my weekly three-hour course at Len Chris Ann well enough as a teenager, but I know I didn’t savor it or put as much effort into is as I would now. I had no idea at the time how important it would be to have good table manners, a fluid understanding of introductions protocol or a grasp of conversation etiquette as life went on. Especially as a pastor’s wife, I’ve frequently leaned into the graces I learned in that little charm course to help guests or “new” people feel more at ease, to walk into unfamiliar settings with confidence and to navigate delicate situations gracefully.
And that’s the real beauty of being a graceful woman. It’s not about looking more polished than other people or having an air of refinement. A truly graceful woman is one who practices social graces and good manners with confidence so that she makes the people around her feel at ease. A truly graceful woman doesn’t grab attention; she deflects it, and other people feel the warmth of her presence.
I do not claim to be a graceful woman. Other than those who are truly experts in etiquette, I suppose most women never feel like they are shining examples of gracefulness and poise. In truth, my mother would probably say that she wondered at the time if she got her money’s worth out of my charm school education.
But I do try to practice good table manners, make proper introductions so that people feel included, write thank you notes in a timely manner and be aware of protocol at new-to-me events and places. I want my presence to be welcomed and unobtrusive, not distracting or bothersome. And more importantly, I want to do my part to create an environment that is enjoyable for everyone in my vicinity, whether it’s a nice restaurant or a fast food diner, at church or at the theater, at a family gathering or among colleagues.
A graceful woman is one who has taken the time to learn proper etiquette and diligently puts it into practice…on a daily basis. The beauty of such a woman is that she…
- puts other people at ease
- creates warm and inviting conversation
- makes others feel included, heard and seen
- doesn’t distract from the purpose of the event or gathering
- helps to create an atmosphere of peace, joy and calm
- doesn’t demand attention but shares the space around her magnanimously
Can you think of other ways that graceful women have affected you or that you’ve seen them impact other people or the occasion?
But most of the women who gather here at Dressed for My Day are in our 50s and above? I’m 61. Is it too late for us to become more full of grace and poise? I have to confess, I’ve noticed that some women seem to begin to lose their manners and social skills at they age. Maybe it’s too late for me to say this, but I really don’t want to regress in this area. In fact, I want to become more graceful and poised as I get older.
Is that possible? Well, I have noticed a resurgence of charm and etiquette schools. Attending one or taking an online course certainly might be a possibility. But even without enrolling in a class I think there are things we can do today so that we can be more graceful women. Most of these are small acts of kindness and consideration, but they could have lasting impact on people around us.
Here are just a few concrete ways to embody more grace and poise the next time you go out and about. Try to focus on just one or two of these and see how it makes you feel. You may even notice that doing these “little things” makes a big impact. And in time these practices could become habits and natural conduct.
- Dress for the occasion – it communicates that you care about other people and respect yourself.
- Walk into the room slowly and with intentionality, taking the time to assess the situation on your arrival.
- Carry fewer things and carry them well. When we’re loaded down with stuff it’s hard to look graceful.
- Smile as you enter the room and make eye contact with the first person you see, not looking past them to find others. Greet people kindly one at a time.
- Practice good posture while walking, standing and sitting.
- Be prepared with conversation ice breakers appropriate for the situation such as, “How do you know the guest of honor?” when at a shower or birthday party, or “Tell me what you thought of this week’s homework” when at a class or Bible study.
- Listen to people without formulating your reply in your head as they talk. Really listen to understand.
- Brush up on basic table manners and practice them each time you sit down to eat, even at home and when eating alone.
In order to be a graceful woman we have to practice these and other social skills on a consistent basis so that they become our natural inclinations. That requires time and determination of course. But to truly be a graceful woman who makes a positive impact on those around us, these practices will need to initiate from a thoughtful heart that sincerely cares about other people. Only when we care that other people have a pleasant experience in our presence will we be prone to consistently conduct ourselves with such poise and grace.
Does this sound like an old-fashioned and outdated goal to you? Does it really matter if we use good table manners, navigate social conversations with decorum or walk into a room with poise? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic.
Thanks so much for joining me for this inner beauty post. You can always find all of the a Beauty that Doesn’t Fade with Age posts under the 2025 INNER BEAUTY SERIES tab in the top menu. In the Blessed for My Day section below this post, I’ve shared Scripture verses that support today’s post. I welcome your comments in the comments section. Just click on JOIN THE CONVERSATION below to add your comment or to read what others have to say.
Blessed for My Day
But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness. ~ James 3:17-18
A kindhearted woman gains honor, but ruthless men gain only wealth. ~ Proverbs 11:16
Though the Lord is exalted, he looks kindly on the lowly; though lofty, he sees them from afar. ~ Psalm 138:6
Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person. ~ Colossians 4:6
He who loves purity of heart And whose speech is gracious, the king is his friend. ~ Proverbs 22:11
If, however, you are fulfilling the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well. But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors. ~ James 2:8-9
You are correct that some women “loose their filters” as they age. Not necessarily attractive. Thank you for this post
This is an excellent post! My mother, a southern lady, had all of these qualities and did her best to teach me to be poised and graceful. I am so grateful that she did. Thank you for reminding me!
Good Morning,
Thank you so much for today’s post and scripture.
Being born and raised in the South, my precious Mother, taught me the importance of manners and kindness toward others. I am grateful for her wisdom and try to practice these traits in my life.
Blessings to you!
Kay,
My mother sent me to a charm school also. It was called “White gloves and party manners”. After the course we modeled outfits for a department store . I believe I was 12. Yes we wore white gloves! I’m 66 so it fit in with times.
Thank you Kay for sweet memories.
I, too, went to ” White Gloves and Party Manners” and I’m 66 also. Sweet memories.
ahh yes, we modeled for a department store at a restaurant, too. So fun! I do remember that felt like a big deal then.
I love this post! I always have so much respect for those who exhibit the practices listed here…especially when seen in younger adults and children. So many practices these days have been “relaxed” but these never “go out of style” or seem old fashioned to me. And yes, I need to work on them myself!!
Thank you for this timely and encouraging post. Good reminders for me and I plan to share with my middle school girls SS class!
It doesn’t surprise me at all that you went to charm school. You always seem so graceful and poised. Also, you seem so kind and sweet. I do not think good table manners are in the past. We should all strive to have them. Shows good up bringing. Loved all the Bible verses you referenced. Very nice post.
Forgot to point out that I loved all the photographs. I assume James took them. Very nice.
Well said! And I loved the photos – they are so calming and just what you needed for your comments!
Hi Kay Oh yes it matters very much!!! I don’t like how relaxed everything has become. People dress much more casually to important events now a days. I love to get dressed up and go places and always enjoyed seeing how other people looked. But I went to a graduation yesterday and also a banquet for a high school event and I just couldn’t believe how casual people dressed!!!
It bothers me terribly but I think Thank you notes are a thing of the past. I feel that it’s rude not to send one.
It also bothers me when introductions aren’t made. To me it feels uncomfortable not to be introduced to people at an event or gathering.
I am curious to know the reason why, but I think it’s probably not being taught at home or the importance of manners isn’t being considered while children are young and impressionable.
I certainly think you’re a graceful woman!!! You are vey calming and seem to be at ease and people appreciate that.
Thank you for the wonderful inner beauty series.
Debrah, I agree with everything you’ve said!
Amen
I agree! There is no excuse for bad manners! I don’t care who you are. Great blog today. There is no harm in being nice…….there is great harm being not nice.
Kay,
I loved today’s post—thank you! I agree with the other readers who would be interested in a graceful woman course—like a refresher course. I am 66 and am embarrassed to say that there are times when I have lost my social filter. I love how your blog and videos address the whole woman.
Thank you!
I was very interested to learn you went to charm school! You are a very graceful woman! I try to be graceful and I am 62 years old. I see so many people who are older (and younger) and are just rude and self-centered nowadays. We all can learn to have a little grace. That’s something that should never be out of style or old-fashioned. The pictures in this post are beautiful, did James take them?
Thank you. Yes, James took the photos. I’ll let him know you enjoyed them.
Lovely lovely posting!
Your Momma was quite the teacher and mentor.
We all thank her! And you!
Kay, this is a great post. Although we haven’t met in person, I find you to be a woman of grace and friendliness. Maybe you would entertain the idea of an online ‘course’, video or presentation on table manners, social etiquette. Maybe role playing, etc. I’d be very interested.
Me too!
What a wonderful blog! I think if all teenagers were taught the basics of good etiquette we would have a less stressful and polite society to live in. It’s never to late to practice all of the principles that you have listed. You have given me a lot to think about. Jim’s pictures were very good! God bless you and your family.
I love, love, love this! I remember my mom having me walk through the house with a book on my head. LOL! Thank you for the reminder that good manners and kindness are ALWAYS in style. Thank you for all you do!
Thank you, Kay. I find these posts insightful and inspirational. James’ photography is so fresh and beautiful!
I really enjoyed today’s post. The pictures are simply beautiful and are place at just the right spot.
Hello Kay
I was just thinking about our afternoon tea dance “classes” in our elementary school. Thus was in the 1950s. I’m significantly older than most of your readers I think. Mainly about formal dancing ( fox trot or waktz)!we did brush up on basic table manners ( no introductions, however). I wonder why?
I still remember my own mothers table rules and a book she left out on setting a formal table. Many of these rules are largely ignored today I think where the very casual has taken over. Thank you for your most interesting post!
Thank you for this inspiring post, photos and scriptures. I am 76 and strive to be kind and gracious. My mother passed away at age 100 and was lovely to others until the day she passed. We are fortunate to have had fine role models as mothers.
Thank you for the walk down memory lane. I remember going to charm school in the late 50s (I’m 20 years older than you), and don’t remember much about it except walking with a book on my head! You personify Southern charm and graciousness. Thank your dear husband, James, for the beautiful photos. I, too, wish that people were more kind, caring, and dressed up for special occasions! We can keep on doing it and hope it will catch on again. ❤️
Dear Kay,
I think manners and grace are still impotant as se age. My mom taught us, “Whether you’re rich or poor, good manners never go out of style.” I taught that to my children as well.
Currently, I love to read the Miss Manners column in my local newspaper for tips and reminders.
Thank you for this blog post and for the daily devotion!
Excellent post, Kay.
I understand your focus is women, but what is the male equivalent of a graceful woman? Given that most meetings are still run by men, it would be helpful to know.
I had a male co-worker who’d never learned the intricacies of dining. When a group of us went out, he asked us to teach him about table manners and how to use the flatware. It does put you at a disadvantage if you don’t know how to navigate social situations.
Alas, medically speaking, we can lose our filters as we age. My 80-something mom tended to say exactly what she was thinking, which could be a little embarrassing sometimes.
Great post on manners and etiquette! Thank you for the BFMD Verses too!
This way lovely Kay. Thank you for the reminder! I too agree with you that unfortunately I find as many get older they get less gracious, especially in this day and age of social media. I feel sometimes people post nasty things because they are “ not being seen “ by anyone and feel they can write whatever they want. Curious if they were actually face to face in person with those they are attacking if they’d actually say the same things they post online. Maybe when posting people should pretend they are speaking to someone in person and see if you would still say the same thing to them. If not, maybe think twice before posting or better yet, change what you were going to say to something kinder and more gracious or not reply at all.
Another voice in the choir here, gracefulness never goes out of style. And older women who do not have a filter (or lose the filter they once had), very unattractive. James’s photos are quite spectacular, he has a good eye.
Kay, what a lovely and timely post, and your husband’s photos are lovely as well.
I’m 69 snd I share the fact that my mother also sent me to finishing/modeling school! I have not forgotten the manners, how to enter a room gracefully, writing thank you notes etc. Today I see people are neither taught nor do they seem to care. But, this does not mean I should stop. As a Christian, people look at me, they should see my love for Christ and others, respectful behavior as well as service.
Thank you for sharing these reminders.
Oh my! You really hit a nerve with me and how so necessary graciousness is. I have often thought that this would be a wonderful course to be added to the school curriculum. No one seems to open doors, excuse themselves when they walk in front of you, hold a fork properly or dress for the occasion/setting. I believe this can be laid at the home doorstep. But then who taught the parents of the last generation. It all went out the window when families were going in opposite directions and communicated through text or post-it notes on the fridge. Yes, I think we all notice someone who practices a graceful baring and demeaner. Thank you, Kay for your grace.
Wendy Ward Charm School was where my parents sent me and it was well worth it. I learned so much that carried me through life. No regrets. BTW! I just returned from England and had a wonderful time. I took your recommendation for shoes. The slip on white Easy Spirit sneakers were so comfortable. I also the McLaughlin sandals. One of my favorite stores, just a couples miles from my house! Thank you so much!
Such a great post. I LOVE the photos. Just so vibrant and clear. He is soooooo good.
I love this post … and I think it sets out some good rules of thumb, while also raising an important question.
I like the notion of wanting one’s presence to be welcome, putting your conversation partners at ease, listening more than talking and having questions ready to help facilitate deeper conversation.
But what I found about the above rules of thumb is that it did not deal with how to gracefully speak your mind, stand your ground, and generally “show up” in a conversation.
And this is a dialog I’m having with myself this year. Having been in hard-driving competitive corporate life for (ahem) decades, there’s times I just want to put my ideas out there and not facilitate. Thoughts?
I too took a similar class at that age with women of all ages and learned more than envisioned by the lesson plan. I read your comments and chuckled, recalling observervations of those of us who’ve lost a spouse and live alone. When its just you, its easy to slide on social graces and forget to grab them on the way out the door. Graceful women can give space where, in those moments, the lonely feels heard, important and special.
Great message, Kay!
In High School we use to have a guest speaker every other year. Her name was Anne Culkin. I do remember her well. She wrote books on charm and we had three days of lectures. I remember it well to this day of 60 years ago.
Kay, I believe a person’s manners outshine their outfit choices. It can truly make it break an outfit. Thank you for reminding us the importance of these ladylike skills!
I just loved this post so much that I read it over again 3 times! Such good inspiration. Love that all of the readers’ comments echo your appreciation of graceful and respectful behaviors and attitudes. So affirming that others feel the same way.
Very good post! All your points were spot-on. Everyone can use this information to be a better person!
I think the class did you good. I love your soothing voice and manners on YouTube videos and I can see them in what you write. Everything you said is true. I try to give advice on manners to my grandkids. One of my pet peeves is seeing people lick their fingers when eating. It’s so gross. I just want to throw a napkin at them. Lol. I love all the scripture passages.
Yes, we need to respect the dignity of others because they are our brothers and sisters, fellow children of God, and learning to make others comfortable and welcome is how we show this and is so important! Not needing to be the star of the show but helping everyone feel appreciated the way we would want to be is the essence of true “charm.”
I really enjoyed this! I don’t think it is ever too late to learn or refresh our memory about grace and inner beauty. As our outer beauty fades, it’s possible for our inner beauty to continue to grow. I would love to see etiquette and charm schools make a comeback because those things seem to have faded away. My mother taught me some basics that have stayed with me throughout my life, but I marvel at the charm of women like our First- and Second-Ladies and wonder who coaches them on how to handle the wide variety of situations they’re in. I’d love more of this type of post.
Good thoughts. I think of when I am not included or introduced to others while with a friend. It does not feel right. And to think I have done the same to others! Graciousness never goes out of style and this is a great reminder that I can practice and become a better person through grace.
Hi Kay,
Such lovely and helpful thoughts, I do enjoy your blog. May I ask for help? I have three teenaged grandsons. Their mother is attempting to teach them table manners, within their life context. For example, when cutting meat on your plate, pretend you are a T-Rex, with short body-hugging arms, so as not to intrude on your neighbor’s ‘space.” They are usually so hungry that they just shovel the food in, and I am at a loss on how to address it. Most of us grandmothers are in positions where we can be helpful, but not critical or commanding.
Your thoughts, recommendations?
Blessings,
~Katrina
Your practical tips were so helpful to me. I notice that a grace filled person is someone everyone desires to be around. They gather people to them without even trying.
Your viewers should check out Yvonne LaFleur. She owns a store in New Orleans & does social media with little charm & etiquette nuggets.
Hi Kay…I am a 75 year old woman
who totally agrees with your philosophy of gracefulness.
I didn’t go to Charm School but learned
gracefulness from my Mom and
Grandmother by their example. I think
it is important because it not only demonstrates respect for others but respect for yourself as
well
Wonderful post, Kay! The idea of being a graceful woman is definitely not outdated. At 68, I notice those ladies who seem so at ease with being hospitable and making others feel at ease, and wonder what their secret is. You’ve given some great food for thought.
Manners never go out of style.. Neither does kindness. I appreciate all the positive thoughts and actions shared on this podcast. It takes very little effort to be kind… Thank you
Kay – Your post on gracefulness and James’ photos were like an oasis in a sea of coarseness. Thank you! I, too, want to be a woman of grace but feel I fall far short of what I want to be. I like someone’s suggestion about your possibly doing a course on manners, etiquette, etc. I would also be interested in that. Thank you for your ministry to us “seasoned” women. You are a blessing!
Hi Kay, I just got caught up on all of the latest blogs, you tube videos and Being a graceful woman. Thank you, thank you, for all of the content you put out. I read and watch all of it and enjoy you so much. God bless you. Susan